Successful Interaction With Those Who Have Dementia

By Maureen Bradley LPN, CDP
Director, “Royal Innovation: Alzheimer’s Care” Program for the Royal Health Group

I find that too often people are uncomfortable talking with people who have Alzheimer’s disease. One of the complaints I hear so often from caregivers is that their loved one’s friends have stopped visiting. This is so difficult for both the caregiver and the person with dementia. You can’t “catch” Alzheimer’s! If these people had cancer or another illness you could understand, would you still visit? I think the answer would be “yes.”

So here are some tips on making that visit a good one.

The first thing to remember is that people with Alzheimer’s remain social and love to visit. And always keep in mind that they are doing the best that they can. They have a progressive neurological illness that robs them of the ability to make new memories and to remember some others. They are “traveling back in time” in a sense, so, for example, they might recognize you if you still looked as you did when you were younger, but perhaps not the way you look today.

Does it make a difference if they know your name? No, but people continue to ask people with dementia “Do you know who I am?” Sadly, they may not know, but they do know you came to visit.

So what can you do? The best thing to do is to bring an open mind – and lots of memories - to your visit. If you have pictures of the two of you from the past, by all means bring them along – not to test your friend or loved one, but to share. You can bring a snack. You can bring a story. If you had a history with the person through sports, then that might be your focus. It would be nice to take them for a ride around familiar areas where you shared past experiences, but again, don’t quiz them. These visits may appear to be one sided, but you both will gain a positive experience from it. Just bring yourself and let the visit flow naturally.

It would be nice if you planned your visit with the caregiver and offered to stay while the caregiver had some free time. This is a tremendous help to the full-time caregiver. They have a very difficult job. Think about it: they are essentially isolated from their peers, they’re probably not getting enough sleep, and they have lost the person they’ve grown old with. They need friends, and time to just be themselves, and not be reminded of how their life has changed.

We must as friends continue to include them in our lives. We must not say to the caregiver, “Call me if you need anything.” That is a difficult thing for a person to admit, so just call and say “I will be over at ten to visit with Joe - why don’t you go shopping?” Even if they don’t leave the house, having another able caregiver to take over for a brief time can mean so much. In one of my support groups we were talking about this, and caregivers were saying how nice it is when someone takes the spouse for a few hours so they can just putter around the house without multiple distractions and worries.

So if you know someone who is caring for a spouse with Alzheimer’s, please stop by to help. I have always been amazed at the response of the community to a family who has experienced multiple births, for example. We should be just as supportive of those caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease.